This Really Sucks
by JazzGirl123
Summary: Amu really hates biology, and this "fun" assignment given by her sensei is not making things any better. Really, who asked a bunch of ninth graders to do these kind of things? With no other choice, Amu has to bring out her inner pervert if she wants to get through this! Strong T, borderline M!


…

Why was biology so boring? Well, the subject wasn't so boring but rather the way the sensei taught it. No fun at all, nothing but packets the size of Saaya's ego and ten page essays.

Watsabi Omega turned to her face her class, her eyes narrowing when she noticed the thirty freshmen (ninth graders) one lecture away from a nap. Even that diligent prince, Tadase, was close to falling asleep. The young professor sighed as she placed her pointer gently on her desk, massaging the brim of her nose.

She didn't blame them, really; even she knew her classes were boring, but it's not like she wanted to do this either. Omega would have rather died than going over mitosis, sex cells, animals mating calls, and traits. She just wanted to prove to the other teachers that she could be serious, not like the crazy party ditz she had been in high school. Maybe she _was_ going overboard…

"What the hell," she muttered under her breath before clapping her hands loudly, the kids jerking up in their seats in surprise. "Alright, listen up. I know the exams are really stressful and assigning another essay wouldn't help, so I'm going to do something a little different." Her kids didn't know whether to be hopeful or even more depressed, either way they were curious. "Most of you have mastered how animals call out to mate, but what I want to know is how teenagers mate." The freshmen all raised their eyebrows in confusion. "Your homework assignment for tonight is to come up with the cheesiest, funniest, most ridiculous pick up lines and innuendos that a stereotypical teenager would say to pick up the opposite sex." The class was stunned by this sudden change from their rather strict and traditional teacher, each reacting differently.

Hotori Tadase had a pink flush on his cheeks. What kind of assignment was that? At least it wasn't some ridiculously long essay or monstrous sized packet that would take miracles to complete, he reasoned.

Mashiro Rima blinked once before shrugging, doing her best to hide her grin. She didn't enjoy doing the essay work any more than the other students so at least it was fun. Plus, sensei _did _say she wanted them to be funny. Comedy, being funny; those were things Rima could do with ease.

Fujisaki Nagihiko wasn't sure how to react. Being raised as he was, he learned to treat women with the upmost respect and be a gentleman at all times. Coming up with playboy lines went against his beliefs on how to treat the opposite sex, but he supposed he would have to deal. It was just a school assignment, anyhow.

Yamabuki Saaya flipped her long chestnut hair, not worried at all. She was already confident and beautiful; there was no embarrassment for her in this assignment.

Hinamori Amu dropped both the pen she had been chewing on and her jaw, her face turning bright red as her body automatically went into denial. She absolutely hated anything to do with adult themes and approaching the opposite sex, especially so forwardly! She almost wished sensei had assigned that essay instead. Almost.

Omega smirked at their stunned expressions, almost everyone had a bright flush on their cheeks. Freshmen were so easy to tease. "Of course," she said, shrugging. "I could always assign a detailed thousand word essay on how sexual production works in humans." The kids all turned a fiery red as they shook their head, immediately calling out lame excuses as to why they were looking forward to the assignment. Omega's smirk grew as the bell rang. "I expect at least ten lines by tomorrow!"

As soon as they were in the Royal Garden, having walked from the high school, Amu collapsed in a chair and dropped her head against the table. The other three freshmen looked amused, while the sophomore, eighth grader, and seventh grader all looked bewildered. Not as bewildered as they showed, obviously; they had gotten used to their Joker's tactics.

"Whoa, what's wrong today?" Souma Kukai, sixteen years old and a sophomore (tenth grader) asked, laughing at the younger girl. "Did something happen?"

"I officially hate biology," muttered Amu. "Why sensei, why?!"

Yuiki Yaya, fourteen years old and an eighth grader, turned to the King. "What happened, Tadase-kun? Why is Amu-chan all ghostly and out there?"

The blond boy smiled nervously. "Our biology sensei gave out an embarrassing assignment, which is odd since she is normally against those kinds of things." The Ace looked like she wanted to press but seeing his flushed cheeks, she decided not to.

The thirteen year old Jack, Sanjo Kairi and seventh grader, pushed up his glasses as he watched the pink haired girl bang her head repeatedly against the table. "Hinamori-san, it is not good for your health and safety if you do that repeatedly. Surely the assignment couldn't have been that bad." Amu looked up and gave him a withering glare as Rima leaned over and whispered in his ear. Kairi immediately turned a bright pink. "Oh, well; I am sure…that you will be fine, Hinamori-san." Nagihiko reached across the table and patted her hand reassuringly.

"You all know that I hate these kinds of things," moaned Amu, resuming her previous action for another minute before stopping so that she was motionless.

"I'm pretty sure she's dead," remarked Kukai, moving over to her as quietly as he could.

"Poke me and die, Kukai," growled the pinkette as his hand reached out for her, her voice muffled by her hair. The soccer player snapped his hand away, chuckling. Amu lifted her head, sighing.

"I guess there's no point in staying here," she stated, standing. "I'll see you guys later, okay?" Her friends bid her farewell before she made her way back to her home.

Once she arrived, Amu all but dropped dead on her bed. Oh, how she hated this assignment. Maybe she would hate it less if there was someone to work with…turning her head slightly, her golden eyes landed on the basket with four colorful eggs in it and she sighed. They weren't her Chara eggs, but plastic eggs that she had painted last year.

No, her four Charas had gone back in their eggs and back inside her-saying that she didn't need them anymore. She accepted this, wasn't happy but accepted it, but she had gotten so used having them that she painted those eggs to remind herself that the whole thing had been real.

"If only they were here," said Amu softly, relishing in the stroll down memory lane for a few minutes before she sighed tiredly and sat up on her bed. She had to do this stupid assignment, she though angrily as she pulled out her notebook and a pen. Writing her name at the top, Amu began to think of funny innuendos. It was harder than she thought, she decided as she moved to her desk.

Finally, she came up with one. It was a bit lame, but it would do for the moment.

_**If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.**_

"That is really, really lame," stated Amu, knowing well enough that if someone confessed to her by saying that then she would seriously consider hitting them. She tapped her chin with her pen as she struggled to come up with more. After another hour of agonizing, Amu heard a soft tap at her balcony door. Without looking up since she knew who it was, she called out, "It's open."

A moment later, Ikuto was sprawled out on her bed with his hands behind his neck. "How did you know it was me?"

The fifteen year old girl glanced at him, raising an eyebrow. "Who else would come in through the balcony?" The cat like male shrugged, not having a reply for that, as Amu turned back to her homework. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be at Utau's big premiere party?"

"Aren't you?" He countered. "The show got rescheduled to Friday night anyways."

"I have all this homework to do," explained Amu, answering his question. "God, I hate biology."

"What do you have to do?" Ikuto asked absently, grabbing one of her old dolls and tossing it up and down in the air. The pink haired girl blushed.

"Nothing really," she said a bit too quickly, perking Ikuto's interest. Seeing that glint in the twenty year old's eyes, she sighed. "I have to come up with at least ten funny, cheesy innuendos and pick up lines…something very forward, apparently." Ikuto blinked once before he burst out laughing.

"You…have to…" Ikuto looked ready to fall off the bed, if he was lame enough to do that, while Amu blushed brightly. "Oh, that is rich."

"S-shut it," snapped the younger female, holding her pen just a bit tighter. Suddenly, a light bulb went off in her head. "Wait a minute, you're good at being an assertive playboy right? You can help me!" Ikuto was pretty sure he had been insulted. "Please Ikuto?" The cat thought it over for a minute before shrugging. "That's it? You're not going to ask for anything in return?"

"Considering the things I'll tell you to write down will make you blush anyhow, no, I don't really need anything else," replied the older male, walking over to her. Amu rolled her eyes as he peered over her shoulders. "Amu, that list…sucks."

"What? I thought it was pretty good," defended the teenager, pouting as he took the list and raised an eyebrow.

"Good?" He questioned, reading the list again.

_**If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.**_

_**Are you a magnet? Because I am attracted to you.**_

_**If you were a booger, I**__**'**__**d pick you first.**_

_**Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?**_

_**Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?**_

_**I**__**'**__**ll cook you dinner if you make me breakfast.**_

Ikuto couldn't help but be impressed. As lame as they were, they were much more impressive and sexual (especially that last one) than he expected from his little strawberry. "Sorry Amu, but these really do suck…except maybe that last one. That one was okay."

The pinkette watched as he crumpled up the piece of paper and tossed it in her trash bin, taking out another piece of paper from her notebook. "Hey, paper costs money you know!"

"Yeah, yeah," replied the cat. "Your teacher wants something outrageous, right?" Amu nodded. "Luckily for you, I happen to be an expert at that. I'll help you, but I'm not doing everything."

"I didn't expect you to," stated the female, swinging her feet absently. She could touch the ground, but just barely. "What are you writing?" Ikuto looked up at her.

"Your pick up lines," he deadpanned and she flushed. "Such an airhead." Amu swatted the back of his head, sticking her tongue out. "There, three already." The pinkette pushed him aside to look at what he had written. She was surprised and insulted by how much nicer his handwriting was than hers.

_**I**__**'**__**ll cook you dinner if you make me breakfast.**_

_Your body is Wonderland and I__'__m Alice._

_Would you like an Australian kiss? It__'__s like a French kiss, but down under._

Amu turned a bright red, resulting in a chuckle from the blue haired violinist. "Let's play a game, Amu. We each write two lines and try to outdo the other. Since you only wrote one good one, you have to write three, and then it'll be my turn." The pink haired female took a deep breath and nodded. She really did hate biology, she repeated in her head as she took the pen from Ikuto.

_**Are those mirror pants? Because I see myself in them!**_

_**Knock-knock. Who**__**'**__**s there? Can I come in? Can I come in who? Can I come in **__**you**__**?**_

_**I miss my teddy bear; can I sleep with you instead?**_

Ikuto stared at the list in surprise, ignoring how his partner in crime looked ready to explode as an excess amount of blood rushed to her face. This was unexpected of his seemingly innocent honey. "Okay…my turn."

_Nice legs__…__what time do they open?_

_Let__'__s play lion and lion tamer. Open your mouth and I__'__ll feed you meat._

"Jeez, Ikuto," muttered Amu. "How many are we doing anyways?"

"You said at least ten, so let's do twelve" replied Ikuto, handing her the pen. "Your turn, Amu-koi."

"Don't call me that!"

_**I lost my virginity; can I have yours?**_

_**I have a job for you**__**…**__**but it blows.**_

"I'll sit here," announced Ikuto suddenly, taking one of her chairs and placing some distance between them as he sat in it backwards. The younger girl was confused but shrugged as she passed him the pen and paper. It was the last two anyways.

_You should know that I have big feet, and you know what they say about guys with big feet__…_

_Do you like my belt buckle? Because it would look better against your forehead._

"For once your perverseness came in handy," remarked Amu as she held up the paper, grinning. "Thanks Ikuto!"

"You looked like you would have done fine on your own," stated Ikuto absently, aching to get home and take a shower…a very cold shower. "Why did you need me here?"

The pink haired teenager shrugged. "I was doing lame before. I guess you just know how to bring out my naughty side." That did it, Ikuto decided.

"Later Amu," he said quickly, racing out to the balcony. Amu blinked once, utterly confused.

"Was it something I said?" She asked herself before shrugging. She needed to eat dinner, she was starving!

…

The next morning, Amu sat at her desk with her list folded up in her lap. Again, she kicked her legs absently because she was only so tall…

Omega looked extremely amused by this assignment, doing her best not to laugh at her students. These pick up lines were rather lame, and so far only one person had made her laugh. _"__You__'__re hot, I__'__m horny; let__'__s go to my place and make you my slave for the rest of eternity.__" _So blunt and straightforward, that Mashiro girl…though she seemed to blush when she looked in the direction of that Fujisaki boy…

"Ah, next…Hinamori Amu."

The pink haired girl wasn't sure why, but she suddenly wasn't nervous anymore. She even grinned a bit wolfishly as she unfolded the paper, clearing her throat.

"Firstly, I'd like to say that I had a little help with this from…from a friend."

Seeing movement from the corner of her eye, Amu sneakily winked at Ikuto who was watching from tree outside the open window. He merely grinned in return, and she knew he would visit her again that night…only, they would be using those pick up lines rather than come up with them.

"Second, I really do love biology...especially learning about the human anatomy."

…

**I own nothing!**

**So yeah****…****don****'****t ask where this came from. Amu and Ikuto may seem a bit OOC but I hope it****'****s nothing major like making Ikuto a secret geek or something****…****hm, that****'****d actually be very interesting. Although, he****'****d make sure Amu never, ever found out.**

**I****'****d appreciate it if you let me know what you think! And yes, before you say anything, that ending sucked a bit. Maybe more than a bit, actually****…**

**Oh, and I say it's easy to tease freshmen because it is. So innocent and still clueless, even when they say they make dirty jokes...and I can say that because I'm a freshman (ninth grader). And yes, yes. The title is an innuendo too. Oh here's one:**

_**Dear Reader,**_

_**I need you now. Do me here. On the bed, on the table, in the kitchen, anywhere.**_

_**- Homework**_

**And BTW, I really do have a dirty mind so this was fun to write. I normally keep my dirty thoughts to myself...I hope I don't regret this...**


End file.
